When it Rains on Mars
I took a slow, desolate walk on Mars today.
Not a soul in sight, so I thought I’d stay.
The red moist ground reminded me.
This isn’t Earth with her spacious seas.
The air is different, toxic, dank, and cold.
Our detonating star aloof, so heat can’t take hold.
I’m mystified by the notion of space and time.
And how things would be if I could hit rewind.
Would I have been rude to that man yesterday?
Would I have rested when I could have played?
Would I love her harder than I have so far?
CO2 air forms unique illusions of shooting stars.
As I sit here alone, a desolate astronaut in an alien place.
Pondering how perpetual failures are all void of grace.
My tears seem to float like a heart-breaking memoir.
Leaking, levitating, lamenting. They seem to float down like rain on Mars.
Soul Intubation
Stuck in this swirling pool of irritation.
No single day passes without “what-if” thought.
There’s no such thing as relaxing vacation.
Mind found a mystery, but bondage was bought.
Insignificant feeling pays for the pain.
One habitable planet cuts deep like a knife.
Only ones in the universe, wow, what a shame.
Feels so lonely, this restrained human life.
But the irritation doesn’t recede, it stays.
It sticks to the walls of my mind like molasses.
Their fancy words mean nothing. They fray.
Religion broadcast while heart plays assassin.
What needs to happen? It doesn’t matter.
Too many circle blocks with square peg holes.
Blood will still ache and arteries still splatter.
As subjective iniquity stills tears at my soul.
Years pass costively as I float through space.
Cold frigid nothing. No sound. No sun.
But thoughts can find answers in this boundless place.
Soul intubation imminent in three… two… one.
Intuition Taxing
I smell deception like an unwanted scent.
Feeling regret from emotion which once was spent.
This lack of trust yields a choking hold.
It perceives their intentions, perplexingly bold.
I didn’t ask for such prodigious information.
As my mind attempted flight for a vital vacation.
But my observations don’t turn off like a switch.
They’re always on like some irritating itch.
This constant combining of random theories.
Serves a taxing blow in my fictitious series.
As construction concludes and my product’s complete.
It brings a smile to my face. This magnificent feat.
And as we return to reality to demonstrate our deal.
There’s one major problem. We’re far in the future and nothing is real.
Campaign Chasm
We struggle through life as our scars collide, when our paths converge, cross, and zip around frantically. The way we process and function provides a foundation, but experiences provide a cloud of dust like those seen in war. As such, life becomes war, thus there are battles. The battles are bloody and they affect each of us in various ways. It’s not easy.
I needed a friend as the walls crashed down.
Atop my weak body. Sad face. Big frown.
I know that friends come in all experiences and pain.
From those who are humble to the utmost vain.
I’ve learned a few things recently, more notably over the past few years. I’ve learned more about myself, about why I function the way I do, and what types of things I can be great at. I’ve also gotten perspective on some “life stuff”, things like…
1. You can have strong feelings for another person and it be legitimately and fully platonic yet complex, painful, and disorienting at the same time.
I’ve met so many people in my life. We all have. Some of those people have stirred feelings in me, whether it be excitement, or sadness, or some other emotion. With others, I feel nothing at all. Either way, those people may be of the opposite sex, or of the same sex, or heterosexual, or homosexual, or whatever. The truth is, regardless of any of the variables involved, they are still people and should be treated as such, treated as I would want them to treat me, regardless of how I feel about them. Respect is not always subjective. We need to make sure we aren’t dehumanizing people. That seems to be the fad these days.
Your negative energy leaped straight off the page.
Right into my heart, carrying a preposterous wage.
Then they all sat there with their judgmental beams.
While my worth lie crushed under soul-torn seams.
2. People have their own problems, but for many of them, they act like their problems are the only problems.
Perhaps the weakest thing anyone has ever said to me was, “You don’t know what we’ve been through.” Why is that weak? It’s weak because saying something like that is dismissive of the person’s problems to whom you are saying it to. It’s shows a total lack of empathy. Acting like you are the only person in the entire world with problems is bordering on narcissism if not clearly over the line. News flash: We All Have Problems. Knowing this should move you closer to empathy, closer to compassion, and closer to love, not further away from it.
Past experience future bound with reckless intent.
Space time continuum now feels broken and bent.
Weak proposition flows out like vomit.
Neurotic episode wildfire put out with tonic.
3. Don’t expect people in the church, individually, to be any different than people who aren’t in the church.
This pill will be so incredibly tough for some people to swallow, but I’m here to enlighten you. Generally speaking, I’ve been treated as badly by people in the church as I have by people outside of the church. Form your own conclusions, be my guest. It doesn’t change my beliefs in any way. It’s just a really sad reality. Isn’t there supposed to be a different standard. Reality would disagree. Things have been twisted so tightly over the years that spirituality has been suppressed by religion. The lies. The hypocrisy. The judgement. All there. Lack of empathy. The cliques. Absence of grace. All there too.
Revolution needed as this ship runs aground.
Hypocrisy. Judgement. All the bad stuff. What’s that sound?
Could it be you’ve lost your way. Pray by night. Deceive by day.
Shaking my head in irritation as your rules wash love away.
4. People mistype themselves and it can lead to extremely odd behavior that doesn’t match up to who they really are.
We’re all different, but we also have similarities. Sometimes we desire to be a certain way and it’s easy to latch on to that, but reality is we are still a different way. Just because a meme says something like, “If you are this type, you can door slam people and you’ll be praised for it”, doesn’t mean you should take on that personality and start door slamming people at the slightest whim of discomfort, in some self-fulfilling prophecy, turning a misguided message into a twisted reality. Learn you and be the best you. Don’t try to be something you’re not. It will throw your gravity way off. You’ll lose any edge you had otherwise.
It seemed so great. The power it brought.
But finding you is what you ought to have sought.
The hype train will take you right over the ledge.
Unless you’re honest with self, you’ll lose your edge.
Not all battles are won, by either side, and sometimes they are even lost by both. Life can be a war full of chasmic campaigns, and the battles often pick us.
My Abyss
They all arrive with flashlights in hand.
They’ve come to save me. Well isn’t this grand.
As night closes in they circle o’er my pit.
Staring down into darkness, into my abyss.
The fog rolling by invokes vision impaired.
The temp becomes frigid with their incredulous stares.
But intuition caught wind of their bewildering journey.
Knowing their decree tastes of sweetest honey.
But this pit they’ve besieged is an empty tomb.
For I quit this place. I blew this joint. I left this room!
I tunneled out through a rift bored with tears.
Unbeknownst to them, I escaped their sphere.
Now I stand behind them at the edge of a field.
Pondering how the dots all connect in this ambiguous deal.
As they implement advancements with a plot to command.
I’m one move ahead with exit scenario in hand.
As they force their way in, to my soul not so open.
They meet a great barrier, with words left unspoken.
So as the possibilities abound in this benevolent mess.
I return to my chamber, waiting, watching silently… in this reticent game of chess.
Soul Shower
Watching rain fall in diagonal sequence.
Wondering what future it brings.
Lifeless dust layered on my arid skin.
As liquid pitter-patter washes me clean.
I wanna know. Have you ever seen the rain?
Wash away the misery in a smoldering mess.
Have you ever felt such dreadful pain?
Melancholy memories now suppressed.
The remaining sludge is quite restrictive.
As I try to move but am paralyzed.
Where once I was clean, I’m now withdrawn.
Cemented in silt as they auscultate my cries.
But the shower returns as it dives to the earth.
I stand in an alley and receive it well.
Shower me fully! I yell out to God.
The grit and the grime are an agonizing hell.
Now sterilized again so the dirt is gone.
My vision returns as I see right through her.
But set your clock, for it won’t be long.
I’ll soon be dragged through the mud and manure.
The State of My Skin
I can’t escape her.
No matter how fast I run.
She’s everywhere. Lurking!
Like I am the Earth and she is the Sun.
Her heat is taxing.
As my thirst becomes dire.
While she showers her fury.
Reluctantly, I receive her fire.
I’m slowly burning.
From her solar flares.
She’s radioactive. Perilous.
Those dark eyes that stare.
So, my orbit continues.
As I relentlessly spin.
Failing. Faltering. Faithless. Farther and farther.
The state of my skin.
Restricted Rations
I’m not afraid to love.
So why are you?
With your heart so red, but your feels so blue.
I don’t run from the pain.
I’m sure that you know.
Water me with grief and watch me grow.
Are you somehow worried?
What they all may think?
Or that your armor will show a naked chink?
Do insecurities rule your reticent world?
Dictating action through mental dread?
What is this mystery that rules your head?
So please, sit on your pew.
Hands crossed in prototypical fashion.
While your heart hinders love as we slowly die from restricted rations.
She Watches
She thinks about me all week long.
While he’s away. When he is gone.
But when he’s around, she disappears.
An empty heart. A burning ear.
She wants to see me all the time.
Her adoration is so sublime.
That focused stare I get from her.
A look of wonder. Her steady purr.
She knows my feelings run so deep.
She desires a glimpse. She craves a peek.
Wherever I go, she’s always there.
Not what I purchased! Buyer beware!
She lurks in the shadows just out of sight.
As I trek the asphalt night after night.
Then I see her see me, but she doesn’t know.
Like an addict strung out down at skid row.
She doesn’t realize I feel her presence.
As her illusion dubs me a complex excrescence.
But she’s fooled them all as they stand distracted.
While she pries at my heart for love extracted.
But if this is the life she needs right now.
My only move is to cope somehow.
For pain is the payment I’m meant to incur.
Whether by agony or anguish… or dying for her.
Repurposed
I saw her drive by my house today.
As I watched in slow motion, I saw her say.
“I see you standing there watching me mister.”
She mouthed it so slowly. A passionate whisper.
My eyes spoke as loud as the birds on the line.
What is the meaning of this feeling entwined?
Raindrops dove down like kamikaze planes.
As a smile emerged and her tears mimicked rain.
She said goodbye with her soul’s indecision.
Minds connected in an unfortunate elision.
I stood there alone. The last man alive.
As she drove away gently. New purpose… survive.
Star Baby
Star baby star baby
You’ll go so far
Your crib is your vessel
So reach for the stars
It won’t be easy
Stars don’t come cheap
But the cosmos adores you
Through your nebulous sleep
When discomfort rages
And that horse keeps on rockin
Get lost in your dreams
For they’ll always be knockin
The journey is long
And the years fill with pain
But the Earth cannnot stop
What it cannot contain
You are the baby
Who reaches for skies
Though you’re light years away
We’ll still hear your cries
Dig Me Up
There’s nothing left. You’ve cast your stones.
So dig me up, them skeleton bones.
The autopsy will show a cratered chest.
Where atomic enmity blasted your nuclear mess.
Jerk up my frame as you grasp my vertebra.
Like the torturous onslaught that tossed me away.
Smile, as you squeeze my scaffolding tightly.
Laugh, as my fabric turns to dust. So unsightly.
But not to fret. You’ve killed me before.
When I refused to partake in your precipitous war.
And after you’ve bludgeoned my oft cracked skull.
You’ll remember my pleas as you ravage my hull.
Then when you realize you’re being watched by the throng.
You’ll cringe when you realize they’ve watched all along.
Keep your noose so taut around my fractured throat.
Until I fade and you understand the words I wrote.
While your impulsive excavation feels so brash.
You’ll know it’s too late when I’ve turned to ash.
The moment you’re comforted and it feels so nice.
You’ll remember my pain. It will sting like ice.
Heart-Braided Rope
Shit hits the fan in a wet, sloppy thud.
I cry out for help to my peeps and my love.
But they just stand there, like they’re stuck in mud.
Others run away, like they’ve just seen blood.
As it turns out, she’s painted an illusion.
Standing tall, as she parades her affusion.
Those dark eyes to me seem quite disillusioned.
Her body blows gifting me lifeless contusions.
I’ve worked so hard to decipher these options.
New information yields yet another adoption.
Diving deep into data like Holmes and Watson.
Is this brain exercise or some accute neurotoxin?
As I retreated desperately deep in my cave.
I gave them warm hugs and acted so brave.
I knew I was heading to a singular rave.
Soon I’ll be swallowed by this collapsing wave.
But the sunshine invariably finds its way.
To protect me from vultures and my mind’s decay.
So forgive me if I suddenly waft away.
These heart-braided ropes weren’t designed to fray.
Sapphire Sphere
Baby blue sky backs an over-protective sphere.
Those far away see what I see near.
A billion others share this same restraint.
Think about it too much. Light-headed. Faint.
Clouds scamper by with jet plane propulsion.
Gaseous haze diffuses from a liquid immersion.
I see a bear and a dragon. Shapes all around.
Distant perspectives present creepy clowns.
Next level down a tree reaches out.
It makes no movement in a stubbornness pout.
A knot looks out with suspicious eyes.
Paralyzing my movements. Nature’s spy.
Lush green grass so soft on my spine.
Abstract anomalies abound in my mind.
Lying so motionless, you’d think I was dead.
Imagination erupting on this floating bed.
As I contemplate the vapors that fade right by.
I wonder if we envy the same sapphire sky.
Calm, as we occupy only a few feet of earth.
Makes us feel so small. Makes us question our worth.
Friendship Fraud
The moment the ground beneath me disintegrated
Many moons ago
I knew my freedom had been raped
Beaten, battered, with anxiety in tow.
Sentenced to life by a callused heart
Not knowing its rage
Festering, boiling, and set to explode
Imagine my surprise when I turned the page.
I knew I was in for the ultimate fight
Unable to speak at all
Voice ripped out with panic’d intent
Staggered and shackled, an agonizing fall.
A thousand nights would come and go
Fragile soul forsaken
Predicted possibilities realized as real
Pierced heart nailed to a mossy wall. Pain receptors awakened.
Intuition painted a cold, dark sky
Jaded soul discovered
Failed attempt to match purpose with pain
Friendship fraud uncovered.
Cyst on My Wrist
There’s a cyst on my wrist.
But it’s nothing like the cyst you’ve placed on my soul.
Your wall of lies cast a shadow. You gifted me burden.
Then scorned me for trying to cut it away.
I’ve searched the universe for plausible pretext.
As you smiled in the mirror like everything‘s OK.
Have your religion. Dressed all nice. Lights go on. Time for your show!
Praise the Lord as your mouth overflows. GRACE! ACCEPTANCE! … no!
Locked in to one perspective like a telescope. Hubble.
Seeing so clearly, light years in one out of four dimensions.
Please would you just finish me off. Weapon of your choice.
I won’t tell the authorities. I could care less if they know.
Throw me into your favorite grave. No one will bother you.
They don’t send seraphs with painted on stories to the depths of hell.
Apparently. So don’t you dare worry at all. The gravity is all on me.
Love of My Life
Love of my life, what is missing?
Is it really just me who is failing?
How can these hearts feel so broken?
I need a jolt, come and save me.
I feel my soul swiftly fading.
Afraid that my love’s up for trading.
Without you my spirit is waning.
Out here alone. Don’t forsake me.
We can’t start over. No escaping.
The friction is so enervating.
You deserve much more than this aching.
I’ve fallen short. Please forgive me.
Tearing down walls. So exhausting.
Trapped in my cave like a haunting.
Force field of tears fiercely raining.
I’m going nowhere. Please just love me.
Chin High
I know you’ve been through hell girl, I can’t imagine.
When life suddenly turns to bitter sage from the sweetest jasmine.
And all they tell you is: THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
With empathy absent, eyes on themselves, and advice so brawn.
But I’d swim in those treacherous waters that tried to drown you.
To discern those tarrying wounds I can see right through.
When the death bullets scream, please get behind me.
I’ll take each hit. I’ll bleed the blood. I’ll absorb their spree.
You are the champion, crowned by your courage of this black and blue life.
You’ve thwarted the fear, no doubt, and you’ll conquer the strife.
So, please hug my ghost so tightly. Feel it in your bones.
Spirit connections forged stronger than steel. Indelible undertones.
And when that relentless regret rages and roars with all it’s might…
And it will… Look for the blinking star. That’s me. Chin high. Also, fighting the fight!
Celestial Notion
Regardless of how loud the wolf howled
I showed you love and strength
I kept whacking the mole back down
An offer of kindness to endless lengths
Fixated fascination to keep you from pain
Obsessive endeavor at only a glance
A long lonely walk to ensure your gain
Destination unknown gave only a chance
My gift was protection of an intentional kind
To tread ever so lightly and help you with me
A measure of tenderness for a sensitive mind
Comprehension unnecessary. Forgiveness for free
But bravery it seems is like a roller coaster
Some call that crazy but I beg to differ
Committing to pain for peace you can bolster
The strain on the mind yields a glorious fissure
So easy to cry when it’s so complicated
Perspectives peek in a distressing motion
So easy to hate when you feel you are hated
But kindness wins out in a celestial notion
Gravity For Two
When I saw her face, my heart began to rip at the seams. Her pain.
The earth quaked, blood seeped out, but only for me. Thick like glue.
A simple touch. The face of worry. Paralyzed. What could I do?
She shared her hidden anguish. Indescribably cold, shades of blue.
Magnetic polarity brought a pain I could not explain. Bewildered.
I looked around for a source, but saw no one. Just energy from a soul.
Her despair became my fear. Sharp ringing in my ear. Took such a toll.
Rain drops in slow motion, fell. I lied there, shaking. Down in a hole.
The space invaded by emotional resonance. Package delivered.
I didn’t ask for this or stake a claim, yet it was given to me, all the same.
Did you even know about this soul transaction? Such a harrowing game.
You confused your fear for relief and replaced my gratitude with shame.
Where to go from here? Only to pain, agony, and more pain. Torment.
Wrong side of a two way mirror. No reflection. Emptiness. Quick look back.
Thunder strike! Paraded to prison with unfamiliar emotion carried in a pack.
Light beam sparkle screams hope, while nightfall screams pitch black.
This grief, this misery I have adopted, you can take it back. Would you please?
I thought I could carry what I couldn’t imagine, for a bit. Grave mistake.
Remorseless gravity now weighs twice as heavy on my soul so grey.
If I could only find a way to invert the suffering… I’d slowly float away.
The Stare
Today I sat alone pondering it all.
From where did we begin to how will we fall.
The deeper I went into the abyss of my mind.
The more I existed outside of time.
I must have looked crazy as the epiphanies came.
Staring at the wall… or people… or a window frame.
Sorry everyone, please trust I’m not crazy.
Possibilities and theories can make things hazy.
But if you’re struggling a bit right this minute.
Then sit down with me. Let’s dive down it.
And if you say no, then that’s okay too.
I’ve cleared it with logic and I’m here for you.
Now two at my table for goodness sake.
The other one is me and his loving heart aches.
Foreheads wrinkled in unpretentious prayer.
I’m sitting right here, but I’m sitting over there.
So when we figure it out, there’s one way to know.
You’ll see me smile. Then you’ll see us both go.
I hope when we’re gone we’ve left a mysterious air.
As you’ve witnessed the depth of this existential stare.
Not For Me
My tears are not for me, they’re for you.
When I think about what lurks down deep.
That which nips at your heart and torments your soul.
The visions you see at night when you sleep.
My tears are not for me, they’re for you.
When my mind goes back to a warm summer day.
The moment it was decided that butterflies would die.
The sun was blocked by emotions so gray.
My tears are not for me, they’re for you.
As a magnetic pain cries out to my feelings.
This is what you do best, so do what you do.
Mystery to solve. Variables missing. Reality revealing.
My tears are not for me, they’re for you.
When I think of the trajectory miracles take.
How forgiveness fully coats a wounded heart.
Such a heavy toll taken as these righteous souls ache.
Soul Famished
I fought hard to understand inconceivable actions.
That felt like an ousting from an exclusive faction.
As the emotional pain struck each insufferable blow.
I felt the coruscating spotlight in an interrogative troll.
I felt betrayed as my worth abruptly vanished.
My heart in despair. My empty soul famished.
That impotent feeling of burdened intuition.
Left me naked and exposed, an impossible mission.
Stress cup overflowing began to burst at the seams.
MY GOD, MY GOD wake me from this agonizing dream.
But I endorsed your name to keep the peace.
And traded my reprieve for an arduous lease.
So if that’s the way it has to be my dear.
Then prepare your heart, you’ll see my tears.
If we pass each other in the pouring rain.
And you sense a familiar aura… well, it’s me… carrying your pain.
Alone on the Gray
Inconsequential fusion. I’m one with the pain.
I can carry it and shape it, all the same.
A most puzzling prophecy of distorted intent.
Misconception interpreted while the truth was bent.
Hurting souls hurt souls. I know that now.
The shame. The attacks. Hmm. Better somehow?
I speak to you here, alone on the gray.
All avenues dismissed so there’s no other way.
I’ll keep this short because words are so tiring.
Mind starts to stall with maniacal misfiring.
I just can’t do this thing they call hate.
Whether you kick me or slap me. I absorb your berate.
It’s sad how nothingness grows so big and so cold.
And hearts ravage souls on this gray so bold.