How many of us would they kill

And leave in the streets

Were we to threaten their riches?

These leaders we so desperately follow

They see us as part of their system

In the same way

They see that system as necessary.

We are but digits

An increment or decrement

In a game of numbers.

Dehumanization knows no bounds

As it forces you to choose a side

To create the illusion of valor

In its game of prosperity.

We could leave

But we can’t escape

Because their greed always catches us.

We can’t please everyone, they say

We must be mighty

The poor must stay poor

The excuses flow like the mighty Mississippi.

This thing, it chases me. Everyday

It never stops moving, a mental ballet.

It chases the thoughts right into my mind

And once they are conquered. It continues to twine.

I can run through the meadow

I can run through the street

But it won’t stop pursuing. I can’t even eat.

I try to confront it, but it only yields dread

Of a future so bleak

The shoes of my mind are all out of tread.

It breaches my dreams with a contemptuous smile

After I plead, “GO AWAY!”

An invasion, so vile!

As it chases me past a wall of mirrors

I stop in an instant. The picture now clearer.

Then I see myself in a solitary stance

Nothing is chasing. Unaccompanied dance.

But I continue to run from this debilitating cyst

Like a twisting tornado.

It’s just me chasing me… through the dank, ghostly mist.

I can’t be who I want to be

No options remain, so I’ll just be me

Goin insane

All these things they rack my brain

Imagination trumps information

A tug of war in combination

Observation of possibilities

Leads my mind to false realities

Just toss some sand

And throw dirt on my name

In the end we’re all to blame

Fighting my power to destroy them all

Endless schemes

Harrowing dreams

Lights go out for a one way trip

No coming back once the day is flipped

Nightmarish break in a four walled world

No escape when the rules are all furled

I’ll just be me

I’ll just be he

When the dust all settles

Things will be the way things will be

Nothing to change. No waning plea

Corrupted options

I’ll never see what I choose to see

I’ll just be me. I’ll just be me……

I’ll just be me.

Free me from this shattering star

I once softly shouted to a stranger.

Shady. Shunned. Shackled. Shhh. She said

Desires deliver such a delicate danger.

Pressure purposed to laborious life lessons

Presently pivoting on a premise of peace.

As forces fasten to this fleeting heart

My container can’t contain this lamenting lease.

Future flashes with a fallacious freeze

As allies apathize in utter abdication.

Self-starved spirits steal the warmth

And restless residence pardons permanent pacification.

So as my stellar structure blazes brightly

Harnessing heat for a hapless heart.

A mystifying millennial takes a tumbling toll

While my shoe-shined soul slowly succumbs to dark.

Hi there friend, so here’s the deal.

You need to know how you made me feel.

Since you won’t communicate or offer respect.

And your wolf is a cowardly piece of a wreck.

First thing to know is I realize your deal.

Guess what, I’m an empath. I can’t help not to feel.

Things didn’t go the way you hoped they would.

That doesn’t mean you can’t still do good.

My peace offering was genuine not counterfeit.

But you imposed your scorn and threw me in a pit.

When I inquired about your feelings you reserved your rations.

You wrongfully convicted me while boasting compassion.

You kicked me down with a short-sighted claim.

Then raped my name, in an attempt to defame.

You secretly watched as I tried to heal.

And I’m sure if I was starving you’d plunder my meal.

I’ve said this before with no hesitation.

You’ve locked me away on a grace citation.

I’ve been in this prison for quite some time.

Treated like a criminal. Reduced to slime.

So as I ooze away with nowhere to go.

There’s just some truth you need to know.

Love is organic. It’s God in His glory.

He wants you to have it. He’s a fan of your story.

Those who blindly put their hearts on the line.

Are the ones you can trust. Their love is sublime.

But that type of love falls bigger and harder.

It crashes down fast. It stings so much sharper.

So move forward with confidence as you’re misunderstood.

But be gentle with souls who seek to do good.

I took a slow, desolate walk on Mars today.

Not a soul in sight, so I thought I’d stay.

The red moist ground reminded me.

This isn’t Earth with her spacious seas.

The air is different, toxic, dank, and cold.

Our detonating star aloof, so heat can’t take hold.

I’m mystified by the notion of space and time.

And how things would be if I could hit rewind.

Would I have been rude to that man yesterday?

Would I have rested when I could have played?

Would I love her harder than I have so far?

CO2 air forms unique illusions of shooting stars.

As I sit here alone, a desolate astronaut in an alien place.

Pondering how perpetual failures are all void of grace.

My tears seem to float like a heart-breaking memoir.

Leaking, levitating, lamenting. They seem to float down like rain on Mars.

Stuck in this swirling pool of irritation.

No single day passes without “what-if” thought.

There’s no such thing as relaxing vacation.

Mind found a mystery, but bondage was bought.

Insignificant feeling pays for the pain.

One habitable planet cuts deep like a knife.

Only ones in the universe, wow, what a shame.

Feels so lonely, this restrained human life.

But the irritation doesn’t recede, it stays.

It sticks to the walls of my mind like molasses.

Their fancy words mean nothing. They fray.

Religion broadcast while heart plays assassin.

What needs to happen? It doesn’t matter.

Too many circle blocks with square peg holes.

Blood will still ache and arteries still splatter.

As subjective iniquity stills tears at my soul.

Years pass costively as I float through space.

Cold frigid nothing. No sound. No sun.

But thoughts can find answers in this boundless place.

Soul intubation imminent in three… two… one.

I smell deception like an unwanted scent.

Feeling regret from emotion which once was spent.

This lack of trust yields a choking hold.

It perceives their intentions, perplexingly bold.

I didn’t ask for such prodigious information.

As my mind attempted flight for a vital vacation.

But my observations don’t turn off like a switch.

They’re always on like some irritating itch.

This constant combining of random theories.

Serves a taxing blow in my fictitious series.

As construction concludes and my product’s complete.

It brings a smile to my face. This magnificent feat.

And as we return to reality to demonstrate our deal.

There’s one major problem. We’re far in the future and nothing is real.

We struggle through life as our scars collide, when our paths converge, cross, and zip around frantically. The way we process and function provides a foundation, but experiences provide a cloud of dust like those seen in war. As such, life becomes war, thus there are battles. The battles are bloody and they affect each of us in various ways. It’s not easy.

I needed a friend as the walls crashed down.

Atop my weak body. Sad face. Big frown.

I know that friends come in all experiences and pain.

From those who are humble to the utmost vain.

I’ve learned a few things recently, more notably over the past few years. I’ve learned more about myself, about why I function the way I do, and what types of things I can be great at. I’ve also gotten perspective on some “life stuff”, things like…

1. You can have strong feelings for another person and it be legitimately and fully platonic yet complex, painful, and disorienting at the same time.

I’ve met so many people in my life. We all have. Some of those people have stirred feelings in me, whether it be excitement, or sadness, or some other emotion. With others, I feel nothing at all. Either way, those people may be of the opposite sex, or of the same sex, or heterosexual, or homosexual, or whatever. The truth is, regardless of any of the variables involved, they are still people and should be treated as such, treated as I would want them to treat me, regardless of how I feel about them. Respect is not always subjective. We need to make sure we aren’t dehumanizing people. That seems to be the fad these days.

Your negative energy leaped straight off the page.

Right into my heart, carrying a preposterous wage.

Then they all sat there with their judgmental beams.

While my worth lie crushed under soul-torn seams.

2. People have their own problems, but for many of them, they act like their problems are the only problems.

Perhaps the weakest thing anyone has ever said to me was, “You don’t know what we’ve been through.” Why is that weak? It’s weak because saying something like that is dismissive of the person’s problems to whom you are saying it to. It’s shows a total lack of empathy. Acting like you are the only person in the entire world with problems is bordering on narcissism if not clearly over the line. News flash: We All Have Problems. Knowing this should move you closer to empathy, closer to compassion, and closer to love, not further away from it.

Past experience future bound with reckless intent.

Space time continuum now feels broken and bent.

Weak proposition flows out like vomit.

Neurotic episode wildfire put out with tonic.

3. Don’t expect people in the church, individually, to be any different than people who aren’t in the church.

This pill will be so incredibly tough for some people to swallow, but I’m here to enlighten you. Generally speaking, I’ve been treated as badly by people in the church as I have by people outside of the church. Form your own conclusions, be my guest. It doesn’t change my beliefs in any way. It’s just a really sad reality. Isn’t there supposed to be a different standard. Reality would disagree. Things have been twisted so tightly over the years that spirituality has been suppressed by religion. The lies. The hypocrisy. The judgement. All there. Lack of empathy. The cliques. Absence of grace. All there too.

Revolution needed as this ship runs aground.

Hypocrisy. Judgement. All the bad stuff. What’s that sound?

Could it be you’ve lost your way. Pray by night. Deceive by day.

Shaking my head in irritation as your rules wash love away.

4. People mistype themselves and it can lead to extremely odd behavior that doesn’t match up to who they really are.

We’re all different, but we also have similarities. Sometimes we desire to be a certain way and it’s easy to latch on to that, but reality is we are still a different way. Just because a meme says something like, “If you are this type, you can door slam people and you’ll be praised for it”, doesn’t mean you should take on that personality and start door slamming people at the slightest whim of discomfort, in some self-fulfilling prophecy, turning a misguided message into a twisted reality. Learn you and be the best you. Don’t try to be something you’re not. It will throw your gravity way off. You’ll lose any edge you had otherwise.

It seemed so great. The power it brought.

But finding you is what you ought to have sought.

The hype train will take you right over the ledge.

Unless you’re honest with self, you’ll lose your edge.

Not all battles are won, by either side, and sometimes they are even lost by both. Life can be a war full of chasmic campaigns, and the battles often pick us.

They all arrive with flashlights in hand.

They’ve come to save me. Well isn’t this grand.

As night closes in they circle o’er my pit.

Staring down into darkness, into my abyss.

The fog rolling by invokes vision impaired.

The temp becomes frigid with their incredulous stares.

But intuition caught wind of their bewildering journey.

Knowing their decree tastes of sweetest honey.

But this pit they’ve besieged is an empty tomb.

For I quit this place. I blew this joint. I left this room!

I tunneled out through a rift bored with tears.

Unbeknownst to them, I escaped their sphere.

Now I stand behind them at the edge of a field.

Pondering how the dots all connect in this ambiguous deal.

As they implement advancements with a plot to command.

I’m one move ahead with exit scenario in hand.

As they force their way in, to my soul not so open.

They meet a great barrier, with words left unspoken.

So as the possibilities abound in this benevolent mess.

I return to my chamber, waiting, watching silently… in this reticent game of chess.

Shit hits the fan in a wet, sloppy thud.

I cry out for help to my peeps and my love.

But they just stand there, like they’re stuck in mud.

Others run away, like they’ve just seen blood.

As it turns out, she’s painted an illusion.

Standing tall, as she parades her affusion.

Those dark eyes to me seem quite disillusioned.

Her body blows gifting me lifeless contusions.

I’ve worked so hard to decipher these options.

New information yields yet another adoption.

Diving deep into data like Holmes and Watson.

Is this brain exercise or some accute neurotoxin?

As I retreated desperately deep in my cave.

I gave them warm hugs and acted so brave.

I knew I was heading to a singular rave.

Soon I’ll be swallowed by this collapsing wave.

But the sunshine invariably finds its way.

To protect me from vultures and my mind’s decay.

So forgive me if I suddenly waft away.

These heart-braided ropes weren’t designed to fray.

Why do they fear us? Have we killed before?

Some murderous monster with a ghastly roar?

Our ways seem uncommon and quite aberrant.

While their judgemental gavel feels so inherent.

We’re confident, unique, and different, all the same.

Is that why they attack us with their steaming shame?

They see us as fractured and easily ruled.

While their short-sighted coup is a thing of fools?

If trying to fix us is their godly motivation.

Then we’d assume be alone and avoid their citations.

They say we’re too loud when we locate the words.

But then we’re too quiet as our cogs slowly turn.

They marvel at our warmth in its innocent measure.

Then say we’re too cold and exude their displeasure.

They applaud our agility then despise how we bend.

Too distant! Too deep! The contradictions don’t end!

The way we think and feel so deeply.

Gives cause to pause as we tread discreetly.

The words may not come for a day or two.

So we carry that burden until a plan starts to brew.

While the vultures circle and the narcissists scheme…

We decode our thoughts and map out our dreams!

You can drag my name through the mud. You have.

Tell them all about the monster you think I am.

I’ve tried to hate you because I needed to. I can’t.

Only one action remains. Pretend.

Trying to escape the flaws in my blood.

Remind me I’m nothing. Elude and escape. Hmm. No.

DNA sticks like glue or cement or clay-based mud.

Kryptonite damage. Collateral callous. Inescapable.

Be this. I can’t. I fail. Your standards judge.

Blind my intuition with past regret. Your mud.

Overbearing overture to a ten round fight. I won’t.

The patience game. A warm, cozy cave. Room for one.

Your future self saw my heart. Disdain. Denial. Absent.

Judge and jury gone away. Rain over sun. Night over day.

Fragile hearts stagger as collisions collude and collusion collides.

Mud binds. By design. Cover the eyes. Lows and highs.

Pass it down with proud confusion. Oblivious.

Appreciation applied with robot hands. Eagle eyes.

Tradition contrite. Every way. Fly a kit. Windy day.

No chance now. Gone away. Won’t come back. Mud slide tears.

Pain needs the rain. The brave need a cave.

Overwhelmed by disdain and emotion of others. A thud.

Can’t come out. Not today. Gotta stay. Please go away.

Nestled. Curled. Muscles ache. In a ball. Face down… in mud.

Who are we that we can leave another person in anguish and despair, hurting?

Leave them broken and in shambles after they’ve plummeted from a great wall?

How do we turn our backs and focus our eyes elsewhere while their heart lies spurting?

Walk away proudly, thinking about our next endeavor as they lie forlorn and stupefied after the fall?

Do we really know that someone is hurting and helpless and offer not even a word?

Or double-back repeatedly to ensure they know they’ve not been abandoned or forgotten?

Do we not tend to our own needs so that we can heal? Is our heart and soul connection somehow this detached?

How can we let the wounds of others fester with excruciating pain while their perseverance turns rotten?

If what we are doing yields nothing, then what ARE we called to do and why are we here?

In war, do we leave our fatigued, wounded soldiers on the battlefield to die?

Then why, in this endless daily battle, do we leave our wounded to fend alone in hopes they’ll vanish?

Are we not able to shift the spotlight from ourselves to ensure that everyone thrives?

Can we not ascertain that they are not in need while we place our own crises on hold?

What are we that we can dine comfortably while others slowly starve or eat from the steaming trash?

Should we not exhaust our every resource to help our brothers and sisters from turning to mold?

Have we lost the essence of our very existence? Have we genuinely become so brash?

The church folk preach love while they watch these atrocities unfold from their couch, lifting not even a finger.

The secular crowd focuses on the Earth while ignoring the pain, smiling in their one way mirrors all the same, while they cope.

Here we are, all of my questions unanswered. Bound to this conveyor belt void of existence as we blindly loiter.

So, how do we mobilize hope? And how do we shed this addiction to comfort? “Love Your Neighbor”, it seems, is but a trope.