Trying to weep, but the tears won’t come

Life pressures building, wanna come undone

I look for release in unique places

Because I see the chagrin in familiar faces.

I think of his future and the knife cuts so deep

Who will love him and where will he sleep?

There’s gotta be more than this wretched existence

Mysterious energy tells of gross preexistence.

At least it’s not anger, of which I despise

When I see the world clearly through incredible hulk eyes

Then I fall back so fiercely to a living truth

With disdain for so many, but a comfort in youth.

Now the tears flow fully and it hurts so sad

And all I can think is how they’ll treat him so bad

The future has scorned me, so now I defer

In a present that torments, where scars are incurred.

Soulmate designation, littered lies, see her fly

But souls don’t need each other, just a fable in a sty

“We can freely love so many,” when she needed me around

“Oh, that love thing, overrated,” when a new boy came to town.

I left her there to languish, when invitation was rejected?

I sat right here in anguish, bewildered and dejected

Banging head against a wall, now this brain is fully fried

While she dangled warm embraces, but caroused with brand new bride.

Please my dude come see me, I’ll drive you all around

Our love will soar much higher, as we conquer all the town

Oh wait, no, I can’t do it, my anxiety has worsened

Please lust for me alone, or I’ll be branded rotten person.

I’d give her every mountain, for as far as eyes can see

As affliction tears right through me, in the form of crushing creed

All I did was try to love her when I offered her the moon

Now eclipsed from her existence, like a sad, naive, old fool.

She will have to share my pain

A basement bargain for all these games

Scot free negligence in all its bliss

Where shifty endeavors always miss.

Dried up county once felt so lush

Now feels of ghost town, no daily rush

Just intuition as a catch-all funnel

For personal values and hidden tunnels.

Replacement heart now falling through

Emotions like sky, now fade to blue

Just biding time till death do us part

My soul, the target. Her words, the dart.

But that soul was cryin’ when first we met

Now those tears paint pictures I can’t forget

While her memory haunts me from atop a shelf.

I decline in darkness all by myself.

She built me up then left me stranded

In a dusty dry deserted town

I stayed put like a coward rejected

With only a furious forlorn frown

I conversed with her ghost for many moons

Like a maniacal manic mental mule

Afraid to abandon that which departed

Stuck in a profuse painful pool

I lay lodged ’til all the dust settled

As still as glorious gorgeous gold

Then saw my fate in a lost lonely world

Fragile heart sought, soldered, and sold

Came to my senses in the eleventh hour

Before the ferocious pheasant feast

And became the ghost of my own emotion

Disoriented. Dismayed. Denied. Deceased.

She entered in at my lowest point

Amid her struggles, hinging on joint

A bond was built with braided strand

But the illusion of strength is sometimes sand.

Ever-present, when her love needed care

Aspirations of Norway, dreams of somewhere

Soulmate connection with fabricated rules

Ever-changing enigma, a contest of fools.

I returned to reality after a long, cold winter

To find him in frame, a shadowy figure

Someone she felt and touched all the same

Her new adventure, her alternate game.

Brakes locked up to drift right around

Skid marks on pavement, emotions on ground

Change of plans, reversal of pace

This sad soul neglected, fresh tears cover face.

Oblivious inquiry to my state of affairs

To my broken heart and my soul in despair

Off to the side, on my hands and knees

Out of her focus, unable to be.

I don’t know where our souls connect

So I look to my heart to feel the effect.

But my heart deceives me and litters lies

Conceals the truth and clouds my skies.

She’s so far away it feels like a dream

Just one simple touch could heal the machine.

If only to hug her and ease this pain

My heart beats profusely and uncontained.

But wild is her wind and I’m but a tree

I saw her arrive now I watch her flee.

Father time forbade my esoteric love

Then forced me to free her like a mourning dove.

Abandonment dagger leaves a fatal wound

As I lie on the shore under indifferent moon.

So I pick up the pieces of what remains

Intuitive shrapnel. No gain, just her shame.

So far away she doesn’t seem real

Even with logic the doubts still prevail

I reach out to touch her but only feel pain

Is this love, or torture, or a lifeless game?

While daytime is busy, the night brings unrest

Then sun brings regret, and jealousy the rain

Phantom excursions planned out so freely

While the keys to my cell sit still all the same.

Conclusion of thought yields disappointment

As reality’s consumed with fourth degree burns

Metaphysical magnetism, attraction so strong

But misplaced in time, can hearts still go on?

Needs and wants wrestle in perpetual fear

And our desires are often more far than near

So we accept sad settlements to protect ourselves

But spiritual connections don’t whisper—they yell!

What if I awoke

And it was all but a dream

When I wandered sad and lost

Where your pain placed no decree.

What if my worth never lay

Cold and helpless on the ground

With value fully charged

Eternally plugged in, to never run down.

What if I never changed

Then never found my soul

Hidden beneath the giant ferns

Left to rot, like warriors of old.

What if my essence never touched

Your heart with subtle hints

Your soul with secret tropes

Your every being with soft intent.

What if I awoke

And it was all but a dream

Then I’d feel the perfect sadness

My heart, slowly bursting at the seam.

When it all goes down girl

And you realize

I’m the only one who cared

Please come find me

I’ll be there.

You can pray to God

Through our spiritual bond

When you’re ready to share

With a handful of grace

I’ll be somewhere.

The past won’t matter

The future won’t listen

Destiny won’t care

With my arms wide open

I’ll go anywhere.

When the shit hits the fan

And you feel so lonely

With nobody there

The world will feel empty

But I’ll be right here… acutely aware.

Like it or not

We’re now connected in some spiritual thing

It’s deeper than you or I or any earthly spring.

It’s more powerful

Than admiration, love, or even lust

It’s light we can’t see. It’s spiritual dust.

It’s metaphysical

Not limited like this sensory world

No concept of woman, man, boy, or girl.

It’s reaching up

To that same higher power

Asking for sweet to replace the sour.

It’s like taking a trip

Into a transcendent hole

To find the master key to unlock our souls.

Took a hike today

Cried like a baby

Felt so damn good

No black and white, just greys and maybe.

Thought about the passing

Of a beloved friend’s soul

When I received their message

Knew I had to go.

When I arrived where they were

The mood had been drained

Then she clinched me so tightly

Her anger. Her pain!

We must have embraced

For at least half the day

As their eyes gazed upon us

Our sins washed away.

As emotions welled up

Behind that dam of tears

They opened the floodgates

And released all our fears.

With our hearts now empty

And our spirits gone astray

I knew I had to leave her

So I up and walked away.

This is true friendship

It’s love and it’s pain

I cried like a baby

With a special friend today.

I won’t scarper anymore from your foisted fear

As my tormenting treadmill keeps me near.

The more I run, the more the belt turns

Till eventually I fall with irrational hope burned.

I can’t let your voice convince me I’m wrong

The way it convinced you, you were right along.

I’m not responsible for what your jaded past accrued

Yet I inspire the encouragers who invigorate you.

It seems your heart turned binocular blind

But why would you care? You’ve made up your mind.

Your avoidance technique, offensively sealed

With inscrutable evasion that stings so real.

I may miss details, but I feel impassioned bursts

And I felt your eyes cut through me as your butterflies dispersed.

So I’ve unplugged the carousel, this revolving door.

With a mandate from my soul, no more… no more.

Why do you shut-in such a beautiful soul?

Everyone admires you, I want you to know.

Even the doubters who seemed not so loyal

Chose you every time and anointed you royal!

Each of them hold you in such high regard

While they convict this stranger like some bothersome bard.

I know the scars run deep, I’ve been there too

And they all just wonder, what should we do?

The suffering so sweet when sprinkled with spice

With your demarcation so preciously priced.

Your persistent pain so politely bestowed

Your stoic steadfastness, the reason you glow.

And I could care less about my name defamation

The spirit comes alive through religious abnegation.

So throw out your arms and turn your face to the sun

Let the wind blow your hair, girl, you’ve already won.

All those times I waited for you

Praying for that conciliatory chance

Wasting away in a caffeinated crater

Performing scenarios in a mental trance.

A fool taking part in an onerous game

Your mysterious aura deemed unfair

Hope versus grace in a bruising brawl

Desires misaligned with roads to nowhere.

Memories now spill anxiety’s blood

From time-wasted wounds that sting like ice

In that cold dark cave north of the tracks

Where my external timidity paid an internal price.

This unrelenting pain now dull and can’t cut

Has become my slave as I mandate its order

It daily seeks to flee my subliminal snare

While its world is reduced to my compulsory borders.

So as I continue to mold this malleable misery

As I waste away in these caffeinated craters

I’ll bolster this pain with a reluctant ransom

Hoping grace will outclass your unconcealed disfavor.

Please soften the sting of my hurting heart

With your gentle and resolute healing power.

A subtle smile or nod or gesture

Can make so sweet what once was sour.

Could you dedicate to me a moment of time

With no distractions or hurry?

The weight of truth, an extricating element

One gracious word could free all the worry.

Even prisoners get that one special call

When first they are detained.

But I never got mine when I was locked away

Just a cold square room and a toilet of pain.

I know your anguish is real like my spirit is jaded

I would never discount something so true.

Your trek is a maze, shrink-wrapped in a bubble

But the soul of another is in agony too.

So, I’ll write for a century if that’s what it takes

As my aching hands cramp so tightly.

Living in a bottle of misunderstanding

While half-truths crush down contritely.

Star baby star baby

You’ll go so far

Your crib is your vessel

So reach for the stars

It won’t be easy

Stars don’t come cheap

But the cosmos adores you

Through your nebulous sleep

When discomfort rages

And that horse keeps on rockin

Get lost in your dreams

For they’ll always be knockin

The journey is long

And the years fill with pain

But the Earth cannnot stop

What it cannot contain

You are the baby

Who reaches for skies

Though you’re light years away

We’ll still hear your cries