Watching rain fall in diagonal sequence.

Wondering what future it brings.

Lifeless dust layered on my arid skin.

As liquid pitter-patter washes me clean.

I wanna know. Have you ever seen the rain?

Wash away the misery in a smoldering mess.

Have you ever felt such dreadful pain?

Melancholy memories now suppressed.

The remaining sludge is quite restrictive.

As I try to move but am paralyzed.

Where once I was clean, I’m now withdrawn.

Cemented in silt as they auscultate my cries.

But the shower returns as it dives to the earth.

I stand in an alley and receive it well.

Shower me fully! I yell out to God.

The grit and the grime are an agonizing hell.

Now sterilized again so the dirt is gone.

My vision returns as I see right through her.

But set your clock, for it won’t be long.

I’ll soon be dragged through the mud and manure.

I can’t escape her.

No matter how fast I run.

She’s everywhere. Lurking!

Like I am the Earth and she is the Sun.

Her heat is taxing.

As my thirst becomes dire.

While she showers her fury.

Reluctantly, I receive her fire.

I’m slowly burning.

From her solar flares.

She’s radioactive. Perilous.

Those dark eyes that stare.

So, my orbit continues.

As I relentlessly spin.

Failing. Faltering. Faithless. Farther and farther.

The state of my skin.

I’m not afraid to love.

So why are you?

With your heart so red, but your feels so blue.

I don’t run from the pain.

I’m sure that you know.

Water me with grief and watch me grow.

Are you somehow worried?

What they all may think?

Or that your armor will show a naked chink?

Do insecurities rule your reticent world?

Dictating action through mental dread?

What is this mystery that rules your head?

So please, sit on your pew.

Hands crossed in prototypical fashion.

While your heart hinders love as we slowly die from restricted rations.

I saw her drive by my house today.

As I watched in slow motion, I saw her say.

“I see you standing there watching me mister.”

She mouthed it so slowly. A passionate whisper.

My eyes spoke as loud as the birds on the line.

What is the meaning of this feeling entwined?

Raindrops dove down like kamikaze planes.

As a smile emerged and her tears mimicked rain.

She said goodbye with her soul’s indecision.

Minds connected in an unfortunate elision.

I stood there alone. The last man alive.

As she drove away gently. New purpose… survive.

There’s nothing left. You’ve cast your stones.

So dig me up, them skeleton bones.

The autopsy will show a cratered chest.

Where atomic enmity blasted your nuclear mess.

Jerk up my frame as you grasp my vertebra.

Like the torturous onslaught that tossed me away.

Smile, as you squeeze my scaffolding tightly.

Laugh, as my fabric turns to dust. So unsightly.

But not to fret. You’ve killed me before.

When I refused to partake in your precipitous war.

And after you’ve bludgeoned my oft cracked skull.

You’ll remember my pleas as you ravage my hull.

Then when you realize you’re being watched by the throng.

You’ll cringe when you realize they’ve watched all along.

Keep your noose so taut around my fractured throat.

Until I fade and you understand the words I wrote.

While your impulsive excavation feels so brash.

You’ll know it’s too late when I’ve turned to ash.

The moment you’re comforted and it feels so nice.

You’ll remember my pain. It will sting like ice.

Baby blue sky backs an over-protective sphere.

Those far away see what I see near.

A billion others share this same restraint.

Think about it too much. Light-headed. Faint.

Clouds scamper by with jet plane propulsion.

Gaseous haze diffuses from a liquid immersion.

I see a bear and a dragon. Shapes all around.

Distant perspectives present creepy clowns.

Next level down a tree reaches out.

It makes no movement in a stubbornness pout.

A knot looks out with suspicious eyes.

Paralyzing my movements. Nature’s spy.

Lush green grass so soft on my spine.

Abstract anomalies abound in my mind.

Lying so motionless, you’d think I was dead.

Imagination erupting on this floating bed.

As I contemplate the vapors that fade right by.

I wonder if we envy the same sapphire sky.

Calm, as we occupy only a few feet of earth.

Makes us feel so small. Makes us question our worth.

The moment the ground beneath me disintegrated

Many moons ago

I knew my freedom had been raped

Beaten, battered, with anxiety in tow.

Sentenced to life by a callused heart

Not knowing its rage

Festering, boiling, and set to explode

Imagine my surprise when I turned the page.

I knew I was in for the ultimate fight

Unable to speak at all

Voice ripped out with panic’d intent

Staggered and shackled, an agonizing fall.

A thousand nights would come and go

Fragile soul forsaken

Predicted possibilities realized as real

Pierced heart nailed to a mossy wall. Pain receptors awakened.

Intuition painted a cold, dark sky

Jaded soul discovered

Failed attempt to match purpose with pain

Friendship fraud uncovered.

There’s a cyst on my wrist.

But it’s nothing like the cyst you’ve placed on my soul.

Your wall of lies cast a shadow. You gifted me burden.

Then scorned me for trying to cut it away.

I’ve searched the universe for plausible pretext.

As you smiled in the mirror like everything‘s OK.

Have your religion. Dressed all nice. Lights go on. Time for your show!

Praise the Lord as your mouth overflows. GRACE! ACCEPTANCE! … no!

Locked in to one perspective like a telescope. Hubble.

Seeing so clearly, light years in one out of four dimensions.

Please would you just finish me off. Weapon of your choice.

I won’t tell the authorities. I could care less if they know.

Throw me into your favorite grave. No one will bother you.

They don’t send seraphs with painted on stories to the depths of hell.

Apparently. So don’t you dare worry at all. The gravity is all on me.

Love of my life, what is missing?

Is it really just me who is failing?

How can these hearts feel so broken?

I need a jolt, come and save me.

I feel my soul swiftly fading.

Afraid that my love’s up for trading.

Without you my spirit is waning.

Out here alone. Don’t forsake me.

We can’t start over. No escaping.

The friction is so enervating.

You deserve much more than this aching.

I’ve fallen short. Please forgive me.

Tearing down walls. So exhausting.

Trapped in my cave like a haunting.

Force field of tears fiercely raining.

I’m going nowhere. Please just love me.

I know you’ve been through hell girl, I can’t imagine.

When life suddenly turns to bitter sage from the sweetest jasmine.

And all they tell you is: THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

With empathy absent, eyes on themselves, and advice so brawn.

But I’d swim in those treacherous waters that tried to drown you.

To discern those tarrying wounds I can see right through.

When the death bullets scream, please get behind me.

I’ll take each hit. I’ll bleed the blood. I’ll absorb their spree.

You are the champion, crowned by your courage of this black and blue life.

You’ve thwarted the fear, no doubt, and you’ll conquer the strife.

So, please hug my ghost so tightly. Feel it in your bones.

Spirit connections forged stronger than steel. Indelible undertones.

And when that relentless regret rages and roars with all it’s might…

And it will… Look for the blinking star. That’s me. Chin high. Also, fighting the fight!

Regardless of how loud the wolf howled

I showed you love and strength

I kept whacking the mole back down

An offer of kindness to endless lengths

Fixated fascination to keep you from pain

Obsessive endeavor at only a glance

A long lonely walk to ensure your gain

Destination unknown gave only a chance

My gift was protection of an intentional kind

To tread ever so lightly and help you with me

A measure of tenderness for a sensitive mind

Comprehension unnecessary. Forgiveness for free

But bravery it seems is like a roller coaster

Some call that crazy but I beg to differ

Committing to pain for peace you can bolster

The strain on the mind yields a glorious fissure

So easy to cry when it’s so complicated

Perspectives peek in a distressing motion

So easy to hate when you feel you are hated

But kindness wins out in a celestial notion

When I saw her face, my heart began to rip at the seams. Her pain.

The earth quaked, blood seeped out, but only for me. Thick like glue.

A simple touch. The face of worry. Paralyzed. What could I do?

She shared her hidden anguish. Indescribably cold, shades of blue.

Magnetic polarity brought a pain I could not explain. Bewildered.

I looked around for a source, but saw no one. Just energy from a soul.

Her despair became my fear. Sharp ringing in my ear. Took such a toll.

Rain drops in slow motion, fell. I lied there, shaking. Down in a hole.

The space invaded by emotional resonance. Package delivered.

I didn’t ask for this or stake a claim, yet it was given to me, all the same.

Did you even know about this soul transaction? Such a harrowing game.

You confused your fear for relief and replaced my gratitude with shame.

Where to go from here? Only to pain, agony, and more pain. Torment.

Wrong side of a two way mirror. No reflection. Emptiness. Quick look back.

Thunder strike! Paraded to prison with unfamiliar emotion carried in a pack.

Light beam sparkle screams hope, while nightfall screams pitch black.

This grief, this misery I have adopted, you can take it back. Would you please?

I thought I could carry what I couldn’t imagine, for a bit. Grave mistake.

Remorseless gravity now weighs twice as heavy on my soul so grey.

If I could only find a way to invert the suffering… I’d slowly float away.

Today I sat alone pondering it all.

From where did we begin to how will we fall.

The deeper I went into the abyss of my mind.

The more I existed outside of time.

I must have looked crazy as the epiphanies came.

Staring at the wall… or people… or a window frame.

Sorry everyone, please trust I’m not crazy.

Possibilities and theories can make things hazy.

But if you’re struggling a bit right this minute.

Then sit down with me. Let’s dive down it.

And if you say no, then that’s okay too.

I’ve cleared it with logic and I’m here for you.

Now two at my table for goodness sake.

The other one is me and his loving heart aches.

Foreheads wrinkled in unpretentious prayer.

I’m sitting right here, but I’m sitting over there.

So when we figure it out, there’s one way to know.

You’ll see me smile. Then you’ll see us both go.

I hope when we’re gone we’ve left a mysterious air.

As you’ve witnessed the depth of this existential stare.

My tears are not for me, they’re for you.

When I think about what lurks down deep.

That which nips at your heart and torments your soul.

The visions you see at night when you sleep.

My tears are not for me, they’re for you.

When my mind goes back to a warm summer day.

The moment it was decided that butterflies would die.

The sun was blocked by emotions so gray.

My tears are not for me, they’re for you.

As a magnetic pain cries out to my feelings.

This is what you do best, so do what you do.

Mystery to solve. Variables missing. Reality revealing.

My tears are not for me, they’re for you.

When I think of the trajectory miracles take.

How forgiveness fully coats a wounded heart.

Such a heavy toll taken as these righteous souls ache.

I fought hard to understand inconceivable actions.

That felt like an ousting from an exclusive faction.

As the emotional pain struck each insufferable blow.

I felt the coruscating spotlight in an interrogative troll.

I felt betrayed as my worth abruptly vanished.

My heart in despair. My empty soul famished.

That impotent feeling of burdened intuition.

Left me naked and exposed, an impossible mission.

Stress cup overflowing began to burst at the seams.

MY GOD, MY GOD wake me from this agonizing dream.

But I endorsed your name to keep the peace.

And traded my reprieve for an arduous lease.

So if that’s the way it has to be my dear.

Then prepare your heart, you’ll see my tears.

If we pass each other in the pouring rain.

And you sense a familiar aura… well, it’s me… carrying your pain.

Inconsequential fusion. I’m one with the pain.

I can carry it and shape it, all the same.

A most puzzling prophecy of distorted intent.

Misconception interpreted while the truth was bent.

Hurting souls hurt souls. I know that now.

The shame. The attacks. Hmm. Better somehow?

I speak to you here, alone on the gray.

All avenues dismissed so there’s no other way.

I’ll keep this short because words are so tiring.

Mind starts to stall with maniacal misfiring.

I just can’t do this thing they call hate.

Whether you kick me or slap me. I absorb your berate.

It’s sad how nothingness grows so big and so cold.

And hearts ravage souls on this gray so bold.

I wanted to versify about the glory I see

But the darkness and pain ever returned to me

As I was called to fight as my tears made a plea

I employed the truth which girded me so free

As I prepared for battle, the light gave me peace

I walked a hundred miles on nails with bare feet

The shield of faith provided protection so sweet

As Satan’s effectiveness began to decrease

Resisting temptation that rained from above

The helmet of salvation fit my head like a glove

I CRIED OUT with TRUTH, peace, and glory thereof

While the sword of the spirit took hold with love

Discipline lost with prayer slowly faded

Then chaos ensued and love became hatred

So I started over as my soul wore abraded

Perseverance it seems, left us sufficiently jaded

Do you feel justified as you warm up to my friends?

After you cast me out like a unwanted trend.

Then painted a mosaic from a difficult past.

And sent me packing like a useless outcast.

You brought in the wolf for an intimidation endeavor.

First time for everything and never say never.

Regret has a voice that screams like a bird.

That pain hits so hard, a discouraging word.

Master of confusion. You’re a talented chap.

The bitter cold matches the sting of your slap.

So, I know we’re not perfect and we all make mistakes.

But if this is love then I’ll settle for hate.

She stands so tall with dark eyes lifeless

Pondering perfection with moves so cautious

A warrior rages in her soul ever jaded

This lady, her power, a mystery braided

Now, she’s a lady down on love

Cinderella slipper lost once fit like a glove

She meditates and prays but finds no grace

Looks left at a rock and right, a hard place

She needed depth from a heart so warm

But got bitter cold from a thinker’s scorn

Iron clad rule to ensure she complies

Dictating each breathe as her will slowly dies

We can only watch as our guts wrench so tightly

STAND UP AND FIGHT GIRL! THIS MONSTER’S UNSIGHTLY!

But we remain stagnant to that which means the most

As she does her duty… an uncompromising post.