Heel
They voiced their disdain and deemed her flighty
With pleas for placidity in a judgmental spree
Lay down your munitions you myopic milksop
As I urged the eyes of their sad souls to see!
Pinned with a label of jagged and jaded!
Knife and note pinned right on her back.
Struck a chord in the holes of my hemorrhaging heart
Baffling bewilderment, such a calloused attack.
Then the one she trusted smirked at her pain
That self-centered, cynical, sore little man
Seems she’s his tool now… job to get done
Deemed decent for duty, just part of his plan.
But I was banished, barred, belittled, and bled
As her bottle of syrup poured over shame
Dehumanization, darkness, denial, and dilemma
As robot shoulders yield shrugs all the same.
Now her android friends send laser beam stares
Skin piercing heat from a programmed face
While I continue to pray with courageous confusion
Absorbing attacks in the absence of grace.
I came to her rescue when she hated me most!
Like a crucifixion, they all let her down!
I paid a price for her friendship as I fought for her name
With her heel in my back and my face on the ground!
When Butterflies Ascend
She said she’d understand
She said she’d be my friend
But broken hearts can lie
When butterflies ascend.
When feelings make no sense
They strike at speed of sound
They knock her off her feet
Emotions rise as sun goes down.
Night time brings confusion
Nights alone yield puppet strings
Her fickle thoughts betray her
But come full circle to ulterior themes.
I pray her oppressive bubble bursts
And her soul can shed the sphere
When butterflies ascend again
I hope she knows I’m always here.
Down in a Pit
I know what it’s like to be down in a pit
Spit on
Shit on
Told to go sit
Face in a corner
Nose on the wall
Eyes to the ground
Don’t talk at all
Either friend or enemy
No in between
Don’t need my kidney
No grace is seen
Eventually forgotten
Perpetually rotten
Your means to my end
Whether locked in a prison
Or down in a pit
You’ll choose to fend
While I decline to pretend
We’ll exist in this chasm
Your fetters fasten
But do not bind
Hopeful
Of purpose
Thankful
For pain
Slow death requires courage
Deep pits fill with tears
Hard salt
Heavy rain.
The Pain Was Me
She brought the pain
But the pain was me
I tried to run
Can’t you see?
I couldn’t escape
Cause’ the pain was me
I headed west
For pacific seas
Thought I’d healed
As they pushed decree
And pushed me away
The pain was me
He inquired bemused
As he fought to see
You felt the pain?
No. The pain was me!
Bring the Key
You can carry the key in your jaded heart
But the lock is affixed to my heavy chains
Which are bound securely around this neck
Forcing my fate, dipped in precipitous pain.
I hope someday you can discern the truth
That you can find safety in gentle hearts
When your feelings dissipate and fade away
A new mission cries out so you must embark.
Thirst for me empress. Seek me out
Take back control then let it all go
Call for me tsarina. Find me there
Drop your guard then feel the flow.
Bring the key and free us both
This is the gift which awaits you now
As our skeptical souls shake with fear
And our gentle spirits hurt so loud.
When those callous chains come crashing down
While permanent impressions glow pink on my skin
I’ll reside in your debt for the freedom you brought
But fade into scars in this shameful chagrin.
All Your Rage
I want so much to understand you
Assuredly there has to be a better way
I visit a thousand conflicting perspectives
Every disquieted, delicate, discouraging day!
When this cycle spins out of control
My blissful blood boils to the top of the gauge
I would never harm even your salty sweat
So I sit here blessedly and take all your rage!
Since you have no one else to give it to
You scream at him, then it comes to me
That sad, insecure, little pawn of despair
Oh how you nip! How you make him see!
I promise you I feel this fleeting force
Feel your sour soul breaking apart
But I refuse to attack! It’s not my move
It’s on you to finish that which you start!
I know you’re lost in these wicked woods
As religious decree spins you out of control
With a wet, menacing, mangy coyote
Who ignores your emotions for his silver and gold!
So stay on this path of self-deception
And allow your conscious these fallacious lies
While you continue feeding me all your rage
As you wrestle your demons as I ossify!
Or take a stand against these phantom feelings
That cause you tension as anxiety burns
Surmise me a human with nothing but love
Let the net of your soul catch my love in return!
Existential Thresh
I pissed my pants yesterday
Transcendent dance
Time to play.
Shit myself with no control
Demons released
Reset and go.
Dentition disaster with vacated mouth
End is near
Nutritional drouth.
Juice injected one last crime
Dimensional traveler
Of space and time.
Stiff stale body stuck to a chair
Peculiar posture
Existing nowhere.
Soul now free from sins of the flesh
No more pain
Existential thresh.
Vixen
A vixen?
A snake?
A lady?
Maybe.
Jaded.
Conditioned.
Mighty.
Quite likely.
Mysterious.
Magic.
Dark.
A shark?
Pride?
Love?
Or hate?
She rapes.
It tears.
It binds.
It nips.
It rips.
Cry.
Tears.
So far.
So near.
Gambit
Abandoned, in my time of need
Left to walk alone.
And they ponder my ghostly stride
Gone. Now it’s way too late for them to atone.
They pulled out their deck
And played the best of their deprecating cards.
Religious mandate offered them subtle escape
Barred. As heedless heros sent their ruthless regards.
I was granted one wish. A stoppage time hand
With foolish faux friendship exposed.
If you need me call me. No I need you to walk with me
Closed. Through the valley of death before I’m deposed.
Don’t tell me you know a damn thing of love
Tenderness to you stares back from the chrome.
Friendship’s not free in a perfect world
Yawn. You can think about that when I’m too far gone!
A Kiss Overdue
I wanna free fall from a thousand feet
Hit the ground so hard there’s nothing left
Or get blasted into a fiery furnace
Burn up in flames in a solar flare theft.
If a part of me remains, don’t wake me up
Let me sleep, just leave me at rest
Too late for apologies, I just wanna scream
Bury me alive, no compression of chest.
I don’t need your glue to piece me together
I’d rather stay shattered just like this
I don’t need perfection in a broken world
Turn off the ventilator because something’s amiss.
Slice me up and put me in salad
Examine my layers as the blade blasts right through
My eyes stained red from the diffusing sting
Let the hurt reek havoc like a kiss overdue.
Walk of Life
We traversed a great plain
My pup and I.
Saw God’s creation
Cool fog fell from high.
We passed a dead roach
With broken heart disease.
My pup sniffed his shell
But his spirit had to leave.
We then saw a cricket
Who had passed from this place.
His body still standing
But his soul led astray.
Saw a taxi cab preacher
Just playing his part.
Got theology and coffee
But lost track of their hearts.
The flies swarm the feces
Those vile mushy mounds.
The perfect relationship
Just me and my hound.
How Blessings Look
I kneel down before you
Our foreheads together
Nothing else matters
We’ve shed every fetter.
Close your eyes friend
Imagine the tragic
Now watch the shapes shift
It’s spiritual magic.
The light is now gone
It all seems surreal
Let’s go even deeper
Where your essence feels.
Your being now tingly
From the slightest of touch
Your spirit lies nestled
In a mystical hutch.
Now open your eyes
Back into the chasm
Cold eats the warmth
A celestial orgasm.
A soft blue flame
Then appears where we touch
I feel your grip tighten
Now doubt fuels your clutch.
But the flame is the blessing
In its visual form
And our time is the gift
Keep it safe. Keep it warm.
I’ll Be Somewhere
When it all goes down girl
And you realize
I’m the only one who cared
Please come find me
I’ll be there.
You can pray to God
Through our spiritual bond
When you’re ready to share
With a handful of grace
I’ll be somewhere.
The past won’t matter
The future won’t listen
Destiny won’t care
With my arms wide open
I’ll go anywhere.
When the shit hits the fan
And you feel so lonely
With nobody there
The world will feel empty
But I’ll be right here… acutely aware.
Forlorn Caper
Watch me closely girl so you can decide
Whether I’m worthy of your judgmental scorn.
Either I pass your test or I’m filthy dirt
Not worthy to be walked on since the day I was born.
Tell me girl, are my words as weak as the wind?
Unable to budge even a mere piece of paper?
Or do you think my feelings are inconsequential?
Just some fabricated fictitious forlorn caper?
Your boundaries paralyze like a collar on a dog
Hunting passionate prisoners from that lone watch tower.
Bullets zip dipped in a toxic tormenting terror
Piercing my heart as you relax with a glaring glowing glower.
Place judgment as a trophy in your precious cloud mantle
Right next to the urn where you torment my soul.
I built a ladder to the top to retrieve my broken spirit
But lost my worth in the crash from your actions so cold.
Spiritual Thing
Like it or not
We’re now connected in some spiritual thing
It’s deeper than you or I or any earthly spring.
It’s more powerful
Than admiration, love, or even lust
It’s light we can’t see. It’s spiritual dust.
It’s metaphysical
Not limited like this sensory world
No concept of woman, man, boy, or girl.
It’s reaching up
To that same higher power
Asking for sweet to replace the sour.
It’s like taking a trip
Into a transcendent hole
To find the master key to unlock our souls.
If She Only Knew
If she only knew my heart’s desire
She’d know another had all my fire.
And she could see my love in an accurate light
Instead of sending a coyote to start a fight.
If she could only see my soul’s intent
She’d understand how my time is spent.
Looking for answers in my fathomless mind
In a different dimension devoid of time.
If she had only listened to my loving words
She’d offer peace instead of hurt.
Her jaded soul could survive such detrition
Instead of piercing my soul at her heart’s volition.
If she had only asked instead of denied
She’d have the truth today instead of lies.
She could look to the future with her weary smile
Break the chains of her past. Let her spirit run wild.
That’s What Ya Get
Invisible boundary breached
I’m not ninja
She crafted me a tool
I’m binoculars, he holds me. Look!
Now he sees what she wants
That’s what ya get
You got me bub?
She commanded he pounce.
Not the shackles he wanted
Shake it off! Get it off me!
He wants no part! These bees!
Tasks at hand take top spot.
He does not care! All beware
That’s what ya get!
Her tip toe dance so graceful
Hide away, girl at play, puppet master.
She wants to scream
But they don’t hear
She screams away, another day
Where did he go? Where is everybody?
Tells her girls. Clones!
Delegated death stare
But I already knew
She should have gone for my head!
Because my heart can shatter
And I will go on
Snarl girl, snarl at me.
That’s what ya get!
Let it out. Stress relief. No more grief.
Scream, girl. Scream your voice away.
Hit me so hard. Feel better now!
That’s what ya get!
Dam of Tears
Took a hike today
Cried like a baby
Felt so damn good
No black and white, just greys and maybe.
Thought about the passing
Of a beloved friend’s soul
When I received their message
Knew I had to go.
When I arrived where they were
The mood had been drained
Then she clinched me so tightly
Her anger. Her pain!
We must have embraced
For at least half the day
As their eyes gazed upon us
Our sins washed away.
As emotions welled up
Behind that dam of tears
They opened the floodgates
And released all our fears.
With our hearts now empty
And our spirits gone astray
I knew I had to leave her
So I up and walked away.
This is true friendship
It’s love and it’s pain
I cried like a baby
With a special friend today.
She Follows
I hike down the trail and she follows me there
I see her ahead, I see her behind
She’s everywhere
I hear her voice I see that stare
Judgmental scorn how dare I, how dare
She takes refuge in the shadows
That fill my head
She’s everywhere
And nowhere
But somewhere
Anywhere. That stare!
When I’m awake
When I’m asleep
When she starts screaming!
I’m feverishly aware, but so unprepared
She is there
She’s everywhere
For my escape, if that ever comes
I must prepare…
I must prepare
But I’m so reluctant
Because she strikes such fear
She’s everywhere
I’m eerily aware
So I must prepare…
I must prepare
She is there
She’s everywhere
If I’m to survive this harrowing trail
I must prepare…
I must prepare
They Don’t See
The present offers me cans. The future, wills
While the past gave me should haves and plastic pills
Disappointment, nausea, and painful feels.
A bloody war between vengeance and humility
Wages on in my heart with a hair-raising plea
There are no winners. The loser is me, but they don’t see.
Anxiety paints over the walls of my soul
It wants to lock me away in a corner so cold
And keep me at home, running, afraid to be bold.
But they don’t see this soul in despair
They’re too busy building their religious stairs
With discontent, greed, and no time to care.
Cold Grave Scars
I peer ahead as the citrus sun sets
With athletic shirt and jeans faded from sweat.
I still feel your presence, it must be your mind
Afraid I will go and leave you behind.
So I look to the left and bow my weary head
Afraid to look back, ashamed of the dread.
But curiosity tugs with a force like no other
It demands to be heard before I go any further.
I shift my whole body, turn my back on the sun
I feel I’ve two options, face you or run.
I turn inch by inch and there you stand
But you speak not a word while you stare at the sand.
With the air now cooled as you look to my feet
Your exploding star heart yields extraordinary heat.
My life became full from taking all you had
While anxiety’s rapport left you feeling so sad.
So as my silhouette fades into this citrus star
I take with me the gift of your cold grave scars.
Cold Kapok
I sat alone on the side of a road
Left there to die. Left there to mold
My eyes didn’t blink. My expressionless face
Stared straight ahead hoping for an intimate embrace.
Mere months before, as she skulked through her pain
I sat by her side. I felt her disdain
On that car seat of life. My emotional support
Seemed to run dry. Convicted alone in an empty court.
But don’t act surprised, you’ve seen me before
That sad teddy bear sitting alone on the shoulder
Of jet black roads which lead nowhere
With cold kapok and mud-splashed hair.
But don’t shed a tear. Not for me
My life is no more painful than yours
Just full of veiled snares, steep stares, and empty prayers
But most of all… imaginary roads which lead to somewhere.
Hate Hates Happy
Hate hates happy on a dimensional level
Whether here or there or at some festive revel.
He hovers after closing as he stalks and trawls
Because no one I know hates nothing at all.
Misunderstanding is his costume of choice
Just popping his popcorn as his minions rejoice.
But you can wreck his rancor with sweet soothing song
And you can attack his animosity all night long.
Just refuse to dive in to his death pit of snakes
Where those bites bring headaches, heartache, and heartbreak.
Who knows what can happen if we’ll put others first
Maybe hate will start loving if aptly coerced.
If we can somehow show love when we’re amply appalled
Perhaps someday the humans will hate nothing at all.
Alluring Beau
My friend Fletcher is a mysterious man
He’s great with the ladies, has always a plan
Not so reliable, but I understand
He’s so damn gorgeous, a good looking man.
The ladies all flock for Tom Brady vibes
With Fletcher unfazed, the unflappable guy
He shares not his secrets or his ridiculous jive
And when the meds are needed, it’s he they prescribe.
The texture of his motion so smooth like butter
Make a poor girl steal, make a rich girl flutter
Make her feel so good, make her engine sputter
Catch her heart on fire, not a single word muttered.
So for all you ladies, if you’re out on the go
And you see his eyes with that mystical glow
And you’re pulled so strongly toward this alluring beau
Fret not m’ladies, enjoy yourself… and just feel his flow.